had a really great night last night. he makes me really happy. felt so at peace falling asleep in his arms. and had some really great morning sex, lol. he's amazing.

had a not so good day today. wrecked my car. things are stressful, but i guess they could be much worse. i have insurance and good people to help me out, even if it's just listening.

and now i am going to spend my unexpected night off work reading in bed. relaxing. thinking. maybe more writing.

it's kind of scary. i really like him. he's been over the past 2 nights and it's been so great. not just because the sex is amazing (which, btw, it is), but because i just truly enjoy being around him. when we're cuddled up on the couch watching movies and he's got his arms wrapped around me, it's hard to stop smiling. and waking up in his arms, for me right now, it doesn't get much better. but this shit is scary. i didn't want to fall for somebody again. this was so not in my plans.

it's sort of funny how sometimes i hear the most motivating words from the most unsuspecting people at the times i need it most.

worked 16 hours yesterday. i am a bit exhausted today, but surprisingly got up at a somewhat decent hour, 9a.m. that's probably mostly because bella wouldn't let me sleep any later...

i got an e-mail from jane about the kibera women's loan project i'm working on. they are all so excited about it. in the minutes from their meeting they talk about how they have not been able to take loans from microloan organizations because they have not afford to pay the minimal interest on the loans. the loan we will offer them will be interest free. one woman described our project as "God's answer to her prayers." though i think God has little to do with it, i understand what she was saying. i feel so honored to be able to be a part of something that is going to do so much for these women and their families. her words, and knowing the hope and possibility that will come out of this, is going to be my inspiration to keep going.

part of my problem as of late has been that my focus and priorities in life have been so out of wack. in less than a year i will be applying to doctoral programs. i need to do it! i need to be on my grind and makin my c.v. irrestible. berkeley is gonna be begging me to go there. so i guess in the corny spirit of the new year ima say that 2010 will be the year of heather. it's time for my personal revolution. and by the way, that revolution will not be televised.

so much for getting things done this morning. slept till about 8:30 and for some reason i agreed to go in to work at 10. all well, gotta save up some money too. guess ima try to get up early tomorrow. hopefully today will be a good day at work.

it's a new year. nothing has changed since yesterday. i do, however, feel a new sense of resolve and motivation to do the things i want and need to do in life. this is pretty much thanks to a lunch time conversation with my favorite person yesterday. i believe noodles cure all.

secretly, i am over it. but sometimes it's nice to make people suffer. is that immature? i know intentionally causing suffering to other beings is all anti-buddha, but maybe i'm just tryin to introduce a little karma? maybe? also, causing this person suffering is not the only reason i have chosen to continue with my silent treatment. there have been so many situations where i thought i was over something quickly and it turns out i wasn't. i kinda like this person and would really like to continue having a friendship with them so i feel it would be best for me to wait and be 100% certain that i am ready to handle our friendship, given the new circumstances.

it's 11 p.m. and i am about to go to bed in the hopes that i can get up by 8 or 9 in order to get some studying done before work tomorrow. wish me luck.

oh, and happy new year. or something like that.