i hate it because sometimes i miss him. A LOT. i definitely know that i am better off without him, it wasn't meant to be, i'll find somebody who really loves me.... all that shit. i know it. but sometimes i still feel that little pain in my heart.like today, when i was watching vh1 soul, a bobby brown video came on. bb doesn't usually make me sad, but when i heard it, it reminded me of the night that we all went out and did karoke and he sang bobby. that was one of the funnest nights. as much as he might have played me, nights like that were real. and the nights where we went to the lake at 3am and fed the ducks. and nights when we stayed up all night cooking and listening to old soul music. that was all real. and the pain still is too.

"The mobilization of the masses, when it arises out of the war of liberation, introduces into each man's consciousness the ideas of a common cause, of a national destiny, and of a collective history."- Frantz Fanon

I agree with much of what Fanon has to say, however, I wonder if his exculsion of women in this statement is deliberate. The quote is a heading from a chapter in Revolutionary Suicide by Huey P. Newton. And makes me think about how much of the mainstream literature on revolution or revolutionaries includes, as part of its definition, men only and is generally typified by so-called masculine traits. Is it not possible for women to start a revolution? Can feminine qualities not be the grounds for a revolution? Perhaps that is exactly what we need, a revolution of values where hope, love and compassion are the tools for empowerment instead of anger and violence. Just a thought....

P.S.- This is in no way meant to diminish the importance of the work of Fanon, Newton or The Black Panther Party in general. I have much respect for the work that they have done. Also, I think that would welcome critical analysis of their work.

this is just a quick note to let my friends know that if i seem distant, it is not because i love you any less. i've had a lot on my mind and i've been trying to take care of business. i've been working hard to be the best heather i can possibly be and i'm gonna be on this grind for a while. i'm enjoying my time by myself and need time to reflect and do me. and it's partially because of my amazing friends that i've been able to get to this much needed point. love you :)

so in this week that i have been off work, i've done a lot of thinking. i haven't necessarily come to too many conclusions, but i'm ok with that. and i think that in and of itself is a sign of growth. i have to say that, though i have always known it, lately i have gotten a renewed sense of being in love with myself, lol. on a serious tip, i've been reminded that i do have a lot to offer the world (and any individual that i interact with) and i should not sell myself short by being with someone who does not appreciate all the wonder that is heatherette. in thinking about things, i have realized that by selling myself short, i am also selling the world short. i have a lot of passion and potential. i am not on this earth to do small things. when i am with someone who does not appreciate and respect that,then i am denying the world the gift of me. and i can't continue to do that. this applies not only to romantic relationships, but also to friendships and (unfortuantely) family members.

in addition, i have also realized that as much as i do love myself, i am a person who craves companionship. and that's ok. it is human and natural to want to love and be loved. and i need to stop making myself feel guilty for wanting that. the universe will bring me to the person who is meant to be my companion, the ying to my yang, the force when we're together. the person who loves, appreciates and respects me as much as i do.

so here i go with the blog again. it's been a long minute since i have written, but i think now is the perfect time to get back to it. just moved into the new place a few days ago and i am loving it. it's coming togethere nicely. it will be a while before it's exactly how i want it to be, but the energy from it is already making me feel so good. it is already beginning to feel like home. much more than the other place already did. noot sure if it's the coming of fall (my absolute favorite season) or the new place, or a combination of the two, but i feel such positive energy in the air. really loving life right now. here's hopin' i can keep up with the blog this time around...