it would be great if i could just fall asleep 1 night. mind is too busy racing for sleep to happen

so i only got like half a page of my paper written, but had a really good conversation with jane from kibera about the micro loan project i'm starting

so that little chat left me feeling a little... i dunno what last night. not depressed. not angry. i guess the best way i can describe the feeling is to say that it made me feel like driving at night with my windows down blasting some dashboard confessional... emo to the core. but like bad high school emo. and that hug... it killed me. i hate that i let stuff like this get to me. i am an amazing person, i have so much going for myself and i should not let emotions get in the way. besides, one day i will find somebody who is smart enough to realize how great i am and person enough to do something about it.

so now that i have gotten that out, it's time to get back to me. in so many ways. there is no way i am going to let my job or dumb emotions stop me from doing all of the things i want and need to do with my life. it's time for my personal revolution. and i think for now it's going to start with actually gettting some homework done.

so i guess we're gonna talk about it. i have no idea what i'm going to say. there's really nothing to say. blah. i'm sure there will be an update later.

so there has been a great deal on my mind lately and i feel i need a venue through which to express these thoughts. there are some things which i feel like i can't tell you directly. it may not necessarily be contained in this entry, but it will show up. i gurantee it.

i'm not sure why, but i have found it impossible to wake up early and get motivated as of late. i'm thinking part of it may be the shitty, not at all healthy food that i have been consuming over the past few weeks. and lack of exercise. and not taking my vitamins. i need to get on this shit.

i have so much work to be doing for school and life, but it just hasn't been happening lately. part of the problem may be that i need to deal with all of these fucked up emotions that have been running through my head.

hung out with a guy last night. to protect his innocence, i will call him #2. #2 and i had been out a few times before. he's really sweet and definitely not hard on the eyes. the first few times we hung out he was very quiet and seemed somewhat uninterested. which i guess he was not, because he kept asking me out again. anyways, he came over last night. we played wii, watched a movie and listened to some music. we had good conversation. he actually like cuddled with me on the couch and stuff (he had previously been very non-physical). other things ensued and they were awesome! he even cuddled afterwards and stayed to sleep in my bed with me ;) i kinda like him. but every time i think something could have potential it always fucks up, so let me not say that...

on a side note- fuck you. fuck you for being wonderful. fuck you for being the first person i want to text in the morning and the last person at night. fuck you for telling me that you don't exactly hate me either. fuck you for making me have to fight to not kiss you every time we part ways. fuck you for making me fall for you in a horrible kind of way. just fuck you.